Life is a Verb: Day Three: Bread and a Lily

"When you have only two pennies left in the world, but a loaf of bread with one, and a lily with the other"
-Chinese Proverb

"...being practical and safe and always logical is way overrated."

Action Challenge: "I don't want to be a passenger in my own life" -Diane Ackerman

"Imagine you are in a car, driving down a street near your house.  Write for five minutes in great detail about what you see and notice as the drive of the car- and about what decisions a driver makes.  Stop, read what you've written.  Not imagine you are in the same car, driving down the same street.  But this time you are a passenger.  Write for another five minutes in great detail about what you see and notice as a passenger in the car- and about what decisions a passenger makes.  Read what you've just written.  Notice the difference between being a driver and being a passenger.  Who ultimately decides where you are going? Who sees more?"

Driver: I'm driving down University going 57 in a 45, which isn't abnormal because that road should be at least a 55 or 60, but whatever.  I drive past Metzler's and check to see if my friend's car is at work.  Looking back to the road I realize I'm going ot have to go through the yellow light.  Challenge accepted and mission accomplished.  I look down at my spedometer and realize it has inched up to almost 60, so I begin slowing down coasting down the long street.  I pass the bowling alley and the trees on the right side of the road, I check for the cop who normally radars by the church, but he isn't there.  Who cares, I'm at a nice 47mph.  Legal.  Enough anyway.  I go through the Nottingham intersection, deciding to wait until later to turn so it will be easier to pull out of my driveway later, plus I can keep on going fast for a little bit longer.  I pass Sonic on the left and check to see if it's Happy Hour because a Diet Cherry Limeade sounds like a slice of heaven.  It's 4:08pm.  So I keep driving down University, also called 380.  I pass the sketchy gas station that my mom loves for some unknown reason and I turn into the left turn lane at the intersection of Old North and University.  I yield and then turn.  That smart car is sitting at the doctors like always.  FIN.

Passenger: The music is playing some song that I don't really know, but I don't know if the driver likes the song so I just sit there trying to tap out the beat and listen to the lyrics.  I get wrapped up in the song and put my feet up on the dashboard if I know the person well enough.  While I tap out the beat on my legs I look out the right side of the window and notice the sketchy motel that always seems empty, the bowling alley, the trees and the youth center for the church.  I get bored and look over at the driver, talking with them about mutual friends or recent adventures.  I finally lean over and change the song.  I notice Sonic as we pass by.  I straighten up in my seat and wonder if that gas station out of my window is even open.  No one is there.  The apartments right next to it look sketchy.  But I bet the rent is cheap...Ijust couldn't leave anything nice in my car.  Oh, we're stopped at a light now waiting to turn left.  I would have gone like four cars ago, but I guess they don't like making left turns and are going to wait for the protected arrow...whatever, it's nice to be hanging out with them.  I guess I don't mind waiting.  I like the interior of the car, but I don't understand why they have so much trash in the floorboard.  FIN

Life Is A Verb: Day Two: Open, True, Real, Flat-Out, Honest

So I'm really bad at these "daily" reading kinds of things.  I think it's why I've always been bad at keeping up with my scriptures and book clubs.  So here it is, day two of Life Is A Verb...just a few days late.

So the action challenge today was to take ten minutes and create a tiny collage of something that brings you joy or holds deep meaning in your life.  Make it wallet sized so you can carry it with you.  This is a picture of the one that I made.  It took me 12 minutes...I cheated a bit. The movement challenge is to pull this out continuously to remind myself of my sense of wonder and what I hold dear.  It doesn't look exactly the way I imagined it, but I really do love it.  It's going in my purse right now.

#summer2k13

This summer is dedicated to living an unpatterned life. Obviously I have my job and responsibilities which I love and don't want to shirk, but my free time will become something free. Reading back through my posts from this semester I realize I had more than I normally do, but they were all very negative. I hate who I am when I focus on the negatives. I become someone I don't recognize and I don't enjoy myself. This summer is about living in the positive and making sure to lift people up instead of tear them down. To laugh with others instead of gossip. To take long drives and go somewhere instead of watching a season of television in a day. To watch a season of television in a day because that is exactly what I want to do that day. I dyed my hair blonde. Blonde. And honestly, it doesn't really even look super great, but it is my reminder to myself to act a little different, think a little different, and interact with purpose. This summer is about fun. It is about finding out who I am after the last 3 years. It is about enjoying my last summer in college and making sure I leave with only the positive by the time that I walk out. Don't worry, I'll be back to brunette soon enough. This summer is about the blonde.

Life Is A Verb: Day 1- "And Why Don't More Of Us Dance In Our Cars"

Background

So, one of my mentors handed me this book about a week ago, entitled "Life Is A Verb" by Patti Digh.

Patti's stepfather was diagnosed with end-stage cancer and passed away 37 days later. 37 days. That's it, so Patti took this concept of if you had 37 days left what would you fill them with? Would you uproot your life and travel with your family, or would you live life as you always have and learn to appreciate the little things? Her reflections resulted in the "6 practices for intentional living" which are: intensity, inclusion, integrity, intimacy, intuition, and intention. She also explains that we tend to make sense of our lives through stories.

The story is then followed by a two challenges, an action challenge and a movement challenge. An action challenge Most action challenges are ten minute focused free write sessions, then you pick a hot word from your free write and spend another three minutes writing about it. Ideally it should be in a journal or you can't see the screen. If you get stuck just write the word "stuck" over and over. Don't stop writing. Say whatever you think- no judgement and no corrections to punctuation or grammar. The movement challenges "are designed to be things you can dip into, come back to later, try out, or practice over time.

Day One

Lost and Found
by David Hollies


The first few times
Being lost was frightening
Stark, pregnant
With the drama of change
Then, I didn’t know
That everywhere is nowhere
Like the feeling when a ocean wave
Boils you in the sand
But as time goes by
Each occurrence of lostness is quieter
Falling from notice
Like the sound of trains
When you live near the tracks
Until one day
When a friend asks
"How often do you get lost?"
And I strain to recall a single instance
It was then that I realized
Being lost only has meaning
When contrasted with
Knowing where you are
A presumption that slipped out of my life
As quietly as smoke up a chimney
For now I live in a less anchored place
Where being lost is irrelevant
For now, only when there is a need
Do I discover where I am
No alarm, no fear
Just an unconscious check-in
Like glancing in the rear-view mirror.

Action Challenge:

First, spend two minutes dancing around to music alone in a room.

What brings me joy: joy to me is found in the little things. I don't care if it's a rising moon or a chance to smell the rain or fresh cut grass. I like the details. Knowing that everything is still working while I freak out about my list of things makes me sane. Joy, pure unbridled joy I find with my friends though. The memories I have of my junior year in highschool are still my favorite. We created something special that year that I don't think can be recreated, but I don't think I'd want it to. Socrates Cafe and late night walks. I love sitting and talking for hours and having a chance to understand someone and learn what they do differently that makes each person unique. If I could have the perfect day I'd spend the morning to myself (ideally in the mountains or at the beach) and chat with a wonderful friend...or stranger (3minutes)

What would this dance look like: Well I'm not really a big dancer, so I imagine it would be more of a slow nodding pattern to the opening chrods and lyrics of some The Academy Is or Taking Back Sunday song and then slowly as the song builds it would become more about singing along and maybe the occasional jump up and down. I don't think it would have to be any one dance, it's whatever feels right at that moment and for that song. I don't know how to describe my joy dance because joy comes in many different things. I don't have just one movement. THis is harder to write about for sure, I think because I like to find joy in a bunch of different thigns, so I can't have just one danve to fit them all. This no correction of your typing os going to bother me. Stuclk Stuck Stuck Stuck Stuck Stuck Stuck TIme

What keeps me from dancing that dance: I like the details and that's where I find a lot of joy, but Ialso think that place can be my downfall. I get weighted down with them and spend too much time on one thing to apprciate it. I can statre at something until it's hard to recognize. I like the details of the unnoticied things, but the bright and crazy objects get my attention first and then I want to fix whatever is right in fron of me and I can get too tired to wanna do too much else afterwards. I needd to find a way to take some mee time, maybe that's this book. Time Time Time Time

Movement Challenge:

When about to speak unkind words- stop. "When words that reflect judgement are on the tip of your tongue pause for three seconds. Reframe those words of judgement into positives"

Square Miles and Summertime Livin'

I really just need this summer to arrive.  I need a chance to get away from all of the negativity I've surrounded myself with, and I need to remember that the world is larger than my hometown, and that I have bigger things to worry about than the drama within these few square miles.

Packing

I legitimately love packing.  To organize, to go on a trip, to move.  I just love reevaluating my life and what moves with me.  It redefines my purpose and focuses me back on what matters most.

Sentence Long Thoughts

If I could get up, run away, and never look back I would.
You've broken my spirit.
Today is a fresh day.
I hate feelings.
If I could I would erase you from my life and the lives of my friends

30 Life Lessons for 20-Somethings With Too Many Feelings

Found this article online here


1. Laugh constantly. Laugh freely. Laugh at every moment in your life. Laugh when it is appropriate. Laugh when it isn’t. Laugh when it fucking hurts like hell. Laugh when the happiness escaping your throat is as smooth as a whiskey seven. If you cannot laugh when you’re beat down. When you are hurt. When you are two seconds away from inhaling a pain that will drown you, you will never survive.
2. Orgasms are by far, hands down, the best thing for your complexion. Don’t waste money on some ridiculously overpriced face wash. Lancome is a lie. So is Cover Girl. Instead, put your fingers to work. Go pay the thirty or fifty bucks for a bunny that’s guaranteed to get you off. Become comfortable enough with an individual to sleep with them on a daily basis. Just cum consistently and your pores will thank you.
3. A cob salad has more calories than a double cheeseburger. Don’t kid yourself.
4. A girl can never own too many stilettos. Yes, they will hurt. Yes, they will cost almost as much as your rent. Yes, while they were once undeniably beautiful you will inevitably wreck them thanks to countless nights plagued with tequila and bad decisions. It doesn’t matter. They will make you feel beautiful when you can’t stand to look at yourself in the mirror. They will make your legs appear longer, your form appear slimmer, and your ass appear Brazilian.
5. Argue. Debate. Disagree. That is the only way you will become privy to the beauty that is an organic learning environment. Keep an open mind. Listen. Nod at the appropriate time. Stand up for yourself when necessary and shut the fuck up when you should. A coalition of different viewpoints is essential to true understanding. Be prideful enough to lend verve to your voice and humble enough to know when your voice is cracking.
6. Music will save you. It will also kill you. Certain songs will repair gaping holes in your heart while others will send you back two years ago; when you were in his arms, kissing his lips, and resting your head on his shoulders as he strangled his fingertips with your hair. Regardless, music is a constant reminder that it’s okay to feel. It is okay to remember, to reminisce, and to be sad. It’s okay to cry laugh smile lose control scream dance become far too sentimental forget. To. Just. Be. Hiding behind intoxicating melodies and beautiful breakdowns is the universe’s permission to feel. So close your eyes and turn up the volume.
7. Tequila will do one of two things. A) Make you fall in love with everyone. And I mean everyone. Or B) Make you ridiculously protective to an almost violent degree. You despise the man who gave your best friend a second glance. You automatically distrust the poor sap who offered to buy your roommate a drink. You are ready to throw down for their honor, dignity, and virginity. No, it doesn’t matter that they lost it years ago.
8. Champagne will give you the worst hangover of your life.
9. Wine will make you wish you were Mormon.
10. Jäger will, without a doubt, make you do that one thing you boy-scout-honor-swore you’d never. Ever. Do.
11. Reading is pivotal. Another human being’s syntax is the soul’s water. While walking a mile in another’s shoes is impossible, caressing a stranger’s paperback spine is the closest you will ever get to fully understanding another human. So sink into a chair every once in a while. Sit outside in the sun. Cuddle up next to a lover. A window. A fireplace. Just read.
12. Don’t you dare read on a damn Kindle. Your fingertips need to feel the pages. Your nose needs to smell the pine sacrificed in the name of literature. Visit your library. You will feel intellectual, organic, and sexy.
13. It is okay to be alone. In fact, everyone should be at least once. Surround yourself in the silence that is independence. Stop looking for someone so that you may find yourself.
14. It is essential in one’s life to experience a one night stand. The awkward morning-after will remind you that you aren’t made for consistent promiscuity. The allure of a dirty night with a relative stranger will make you feel like Pamela incarnate.
15. Craigslist is the perfect example of both the rise and fall of society.
16. You are capable of handling situations you couldn’t have possibly imagined. Fathers will disown you. The love of your life will sleep with someone else. The person who made you will hit you. Your best friends will die. A man will ignore your fervent “no” and take what he wants. And still you will find yourself filling your lungs when situations should have left them empty. It is in those moments that you’ll remember there isn’t anything you cannot overcome.
17. There isn’t anything you will be capable of overcoming without your friends.
18. The cure to any discomforting situation or painful realization or heavy moment within one’s life, is driving. Nothing will take away the feelings of failure like a never ending road, a rolled down window, a six speed manual, a music collection of epic and speaker-destroying proportion, and (of course) a pack of cigarettes. Drive until you have left it all behind you. You will eventually have to return to it all, however the miles you’ve put between you and a rude reality will strengthen your resolve.
19. The ones you love the most will hurt you the most. Mothers will be incapable of protecting you when they should. The most important man in your life will hurl hurtful words in your direction. Best friends will write words dipped in resentment. You will reach out to someone in tears, scared and alone, only to have them decide it is too much and disappear. Forgive them instantly. Love them regardless. And know that you, despite your best efforts, have hurt them too.
20. Talk dirty in bed. Get over being uncomfortable and push past the urge to compare yourself to a mediocre porn star. While between the sheets with a fantastic lover, say everything you have ever wanted to say or do or have felt. Those words will assist you both in obtaining levels of pleasure previously believed to be nothing more than a filthy fairytale.
21. Slow dance. Don’t leave your youth in a middle school gym.
22. Whatever you do, do not pass out on the bathroom floor of a gay bar. Enough said.
23. It is okay to ask for help. It is okay to swallow your pride, choke down your guilt, chew on your inadequacies, and realize that you cannot do everything by yourself. Everyone needs help at one time or another. Including you.
24. You are not confined to the family god gave you. You have the beautiful ability to hand pick your own. College friends will become your sisters. Ex-boyfriends’ fathers will become your own. Best friends of your brothers will become baby brothers one, two, and three. Cherish them, protect them, and allow them to do the same.
25. Enjoy having too much. Too much Jack Daniels. Too much love. Too much dancing. Too much work. Too much procrastination. Too much time. Too much responsibility. Too much insecurity. Too much coffee. Too much doubt. Too much of not enough. Realize that overindulgence is the key to neutrality. Realize that a painful destruction is essential to the construction of something wonderfully beautiful. So take one shot too many. Stay out until six thirty, when you have to be at work at nine. Tell them that you love them, even when you know it is too much.
26. Girls poop. Yes, it can rival a man’s in both stench and quantity. Get over it.
27. Make fun of yourself. When others do, it will help it hurt less.
28. Remember how blessed you are. You can be covered in bruises and overflowing with emptiness. You can be lost, alone, and fantastically hurt. However, it can always. Always. Be worse. And for countless others, it is. So after you have tended to your bruises and replaced the smallest amount of emptiness with a tangible satisfaction. After you’ve been found and are standing next to another and your hurt has diminished. Be thankful.
29. Whoever said money doesn’t buy happiness, lied. Sometimes, it takes money to find yourself at a concert with friends or three sheets to the wind or atop a needle sharing scenery with those that have never experienced it before. Pay for it anyways. Sign the check that makes your stomach turn. Eventually you will look back on those moments and realize that you would have paid twice that amount.
30. You can plan and scheme and write in a neat little notebook. You can create numerous lists that await the swift line of completion, but it won’t matter. Nothing will end up the way you thought it would. Things will happen that you couldn’t have possibly foreseen. Life doesn’t care about the plan. The scheme. Your neat notebook. Or your fifty lists.