"Pure, unconditional trust and cooperation are naive and detrimental"

Mr. Rock and Roll by Fake Problems

So you're letting me go to play that Mr. Rock and Roll.
I hope the girls you meet are pretty, smart clever, and super skinny.
You know they'll fall for you so fast, Mr. Backstage Pass.
But you'll never follow through.
So I'll put a little more make up on.
Be Miss Outgoing, Miss So-Moved-On.
Here's to hoping that I don't get screwed again.
I'm gonna find a boy who loves me, respects everything about me.
Then I might as well just marry him.
But it's good to know I'm still your source of inspiration.
Just promise me you won't put words in my mouth.
Because you have absolutely no clue what I'm feeling.
Go have your fun Mr. Rock and Roll.
But don't call me baby, I'm not your baby anymore.

I am feeling accomplished.

I am pretty sure that I can take on the world right now.

Granted the world is just a massive pile of homework, but that is beyond the point.

This past week was hellish.  So many meetings, so much drama, and not enough caffeine.  

There was a time when I would rather stay up late than sleep. I've now hit the point where I want to sleep all of the time; I just can't find the time.  Too much to do.

"Coffee Break"

By: Forever the Sickest Kids

"I'm two cups into my coffee break
I'm sitting alone in the cafe front way
Reading all by myself
I'm Turning my cell off just to breathe
'Cause everyone I know just keeps calling me
And I just need a little time

Cause I've overcommitted myself
I guess this is growing up
I'm sleeping so little these days
I guess this is growing up
I'm feeling things are about to change
I'm guessing this is growing up
Yeah, I'm guessing this is growing up

And my mom hates my guts
She has every reason to
From all the things I do
And it breaks me just to know
That I have torn her apart so many times
So many times

Cause I've over committed myself
I guess this is growing up
I'm sleeping so little these days.
I guess this is growing up
I'm feeling things are about to change
I'm guessing this is growing up
Oh I'm guessing this is growing up

I don't wanna change, I wanna stay right where I lay
Eyes closed, head down on the pillow,
Better change, before it's too late,
I'm guessing this is growing up...

Now I'm done with my coffee break
I turn on my phone
Now that I've grown up"

Choices.

The best way to describe my life right now?

I am standing in the middle of a huge open field, not a tree in sight, endless horizon. No real sense of direction. There's a light breeze that floats by and lifts the hair off of my shoulders. While standing in this perfect moment of bliss I realize a few different things. I am totally alone, not a soul in sight, and I'm alright with that. Sure, loneliness can have its drawbacks. But the freedom of this situation is that I can go any direction that I want. And even as I type that I realize it isn't completely true. No one wants to be alone. I feel as if I'm watching a sunrise and a sunset simultaneously, and I don't know which one I want to focus on. Chase after the retreating sun or embrace the new day? "Infinity goes in both directions"

I realize the blatant contradictions within my words. I embrace them. What is life without a little conflict? Conflict is whatever you choose to make it. I remember when I used to hate conflict because I thought it always meant fighting. Conflict merely shows that you care enough to make your opinion known. I am going to knock myself out of my ambivalent funk and care. Whether in my professional or private life. I don't like a lack of knowledge; I don't like not caring enough to know.

"Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional"

Tear Down The House by The Avett Brothers

Tear down the house
That I grew up in
I'll never be the same again
Take everything that I’ve collected
And throw it in a pile

Bulldoze the woods
That I ran through
Carry the pictures of me and you
I have no memory of who I once was
And I don't remember your name

Park the old car
That I love the best
(The) inspections due and it won’t pass the test
It’s funny how I have to put it to rest
And how one day…I will join it

I remember crying over you
And I don't mean like a couple of tears
And then I'm blue
I’m talkin’ about collapsing
And screaming at the moon
But I'm a better man
For having gone through it
Yes, I'm a better man
For having gone through…

Ever since I learned how to curse
I’ve been using those sorry old words
But, I’m talkin’ to these children
And I’m keeping it clean
I don’t need those words
To say what I mean
No, I don’t need those words
To say what I mean

Tear down the house
That I grew up in
I'll never be the same again
Take everything that I used to own
And burn it in a pile

And, bulldoze the woods
That I ran through
Carry the pictures of me and you
I have no memory of who I once was
And I don't remember your name

Clueless

I have no idea what I want right now.

I wish I could skip the prelims and semis rounds and head straight to finals. Because that is really all that matters to me.

I should probably make up my mind as to how I feel first though...probably a wise decision...

Classes have been pretty fantastic, minus the fact that I lack the true motivation to get my work done, yet somehow I'm still pulling it off. Thank God.

"There are always a million reasons not to do something"

Sunrise.

I find this feeling to be fresh,

like a dew, covering the petals of a new morning.

The sun has awoken and imparted its knowledge unto me.

It whispers the ageless phrase carpe diem.

It shows me every facet of every option.

I have boundless opportunities, choices.

You, seemingly random person, have shown me just that.

You allow me to see a different kind of beauty.

It reminds me that there are people out there with substance

This new year is feeling pretty damn good.

I love the direction my life has taken.

I've never loved learning so much, nor have I ever felt like I was learning so much.

I've got some new friends whom I adore spending time with.

And I am ready for the marathon to start.