I love the things that can't be bottled. The things that you love because they are wild, free. The things that, once bottled, cease to lose that freedom and wilderness that made me love them in the first place. The smell of the air when it's just cold enough to see your breath, and there is a dew hanging in the air that threatens to crystallize. When you take in those lungfuls of air and you can't imagine being in any other moment than this one. Your soul was meant to be there, sucking in the tiny crystals and attempting to take in the moment. That is a smell, a sensation, and a way of life. It's why I love living here, where the air is something to be in love with. Does that sounds strange? I'm in love with air. It looks weird when I type it or say it aloud. Maybe it isn't the air I love, but that wilderness that comes with it. Because when I truly take the time to notice the air, it's when I'm taking the time to notice all of the other little details that make this life so incredible to live. It's the color of the larches and tamaracks as we shift to a new season. It's the clear water that's so still it feels like a mirror, clearer than any you've seen before. A mirror that reflects back just you and your wild backdrop. Nothing artificial to fixate on. It's just you, changing leaves, and puffs of air that make you feel like a train. Traipsing through this space with a radical feeling that you're the first person to see these trees, this water, this reflection. It's a notion I can't seem to get over. Every day when I look around it's a crippling sense of missed adventure. There will never be enough time to do all of the things my heart is beating for. I find it offensive that this world has so many things to offer, and I can't live for centuries to experience it all. Hell, we aren't even guaranteed decades, years, or hours. It's why I choose to fiercely love those in my life. It's why I make it a point to tell people I love them and how my life is changed because of their influence. It's why I try to only take in the good and deflect the bad. There's a lot of shit in this world that can get people down. It's in those moments that I get outside. The world has thrived for billions of years.
I can't remember where I've heard it, but someone said that you either love the mountains for two reasons; to either be reminded of your mortality or to feel the strength of the human soul. When I stand on the tops of mountains I feel that sense of mortality. This mountain will continue to stand the test of time, while I will move into nothingness. However, I also feel the power of the world is at my fingertips. I am standing in a blessed position that only birds have the privilege of seeing regularly. I can see everything for miles. The sense that in this tiny wrinkle in time, this view is mine and mine alone.
So I love the things that can't be bottled because they cause a consciousness, reflection, and perception that will never be replicated. It would clip the memories' wings, and then I wouldn't get to return there in my moments of fragility. I might be weak and flawed, but the world will cocoon me with tales of the past, present, and future.
