Emotionally stunted

I feel as if I have become emotionally stunted in the last few years. I used to love the thought of dating people and finding the right person. After a life chat with one of my friends I realized that even if the perfect person was nearby I would still bail. I need to either go far far away and grow up or have someone shake me out of my comfort zone. My stomach is killing me right now from some ill prepared food, but it could have just as easily been the thoughts of the future that crossed mind.

Lesson Learned

So I just got done having a life-changing moment. And I know it sounds silly, but I just had a truly amazing moment. I was sitting in the library with a few of the people that I am supposed to try and guide. The conversation that resulted was mind blowing. One of my peers divulged the story of their past, it's ramifications on their life now, and their hope that it won't influence their future in a negative way. I have never considered my life to be so blessed or sheltered. At the same time I can't remember when I've felt so honored. This conversation appeared out of no where and was 1 hour of my life that I would gladly relive. The diversity and adversity in a person's background can shape them into truly admirable people. This is rarely the case, but when it does happen it is like a rare diamond. It made me think of life as a form of Manifest Destiny or "The Road Less Traveled" by Robert Frost. Your life is what you make it. It is mind over matter, but it does matter what you do. Never take a moment for granted, especially the ones spent with others. Life can be beautiful if you take the chance to look around.

So thank you, dear friend, because my worries are no longer worries, just something to work through.

Different

So for some reason all of the things that used to feel normal and right now feel wrong. Things I used to do all of the time, like watching a movie or studying for a test, feel different. Something has shifted, and I don't want to figure out why. I think if I know the answer it will just confuse things more. I just want to travel and get away from the box I've built around myself.in this small unforgiving town

In Too Deep

So it is 3:30am, and I can't help but feel like real life just reached over and slapped me in the face. I've been so busy I can't sleep, but I guess that isn't a new development. I feel burned out, worn down, and just simply exhausted. In the last few weeks I haven't taken the time to truly process myself and what I want, or to take a daily assessment of my frame of mind. I feel like I'm drowning and don't know if I'm swimming up or down.

I say all of this and realize just how ridiculous it sounds. This is one rough night, but I am writing this now-during this one night- so it for suck.

I love and hate my job, my classes, where I live.

I guess I'm just fidgety right now. I need something to stabilize me out.