I've finished my fifth semester, and it feels so odd. I've learned that I will be graduating in a year, and I couldn't be more excited or utterly terrified. I feel that it will be the right time for me. I can go out still feeling strong within myself and my commitments, as well as move on with the rest of the plans for my life.
I've had a lot of moments in the last few weeks where I have some adult moments. I have a day that makes me feel as if I'm 5 years older. A few weeks ago I was at a Christmas party. The difference is that this one was filled with homemade appetizers and was an invite-only kind of night. While driving home I felt like I was supposed to pay a babysitter when I walked through my front door. The next day was filled with shopping in Dallas and then a wonderfully nice dinner at a 5 star restaurant followed by my roommate's birthday celebration. The next day I woke up to watch my friend run a marathon, come back to watch the matinee performance of The Nutcracker and then go to a holiday get together with some of my closest girl friends. Even writing out the details of that one weekend sounds unbearably pretentious. But the thing is, I loved every moment of it. My Winter break thus far has been filled with sweet family encounters, nice moments with friends, crazy adventures, and calm moments of solitude. Take today for example. Woke up from a sleepover with my sister and one of our best friends, then spent the morning cleaning and picked up my brothers from school, went to lunch with my siblings and then shopping and ice cream. I went hiking with one of my closest and best friends, followed by dinner and a drive home with my favorite music. I spent my evening addressing 50 envelopes, finishing a book on autism, starting a Kennedy biography, watching bridal shows and Friends, and now I sit on the bed watching Pride and Prejudice with a mixed drink in one hand and the other typing away on my laptop. This could be my life in 5 years, and I think I would be perfectly okay with that.
I am scared about applying for the Peace Corps. It's something I want so much, and it is so competitive and can put my life on hold if they say no. I really have the best intentions. I really do want to make a difference, to leave a sustainable project that people can carry on. I want to understand a culture completely unlike my own, and to break any stereotypes people may have of America. I want it all. I want it all so bad, and I have this gut feeling that it won't go in my favor. Oh well, time to breathe and think happy thoughts.
On a different note, I'm loving this Kennedy biography I bought. I am only 20 pages in, but I love everything about Jackie Kennedy and the way she lived her life, maybe this will change in the next 400 pages, but right now I am all about the Kennedy family.
Time to curl up in bed and continue reading. I don't know the point of this post. I suppose I just wanted to type it out.
